My SiLence World

something to share

2011-01-10T20:54:00.000-08:00

the peaceful of siLence

A story to share because when I read this I realise all the things my parents did for me and now I hope one day I will be able to do the same for my children......

So touching!!

Pencil: I'm sorry....

Eraser: For what? You didn't do anything wrong.

Pencil: I'm sorry cos you get hurt bcos of me. Whenever I made a mistake, you're always there to erase it. But as you make my mistakes vanish, you lose a part of yourself. You get smaller and smaller each time.

Eraser: That's true. But I don't really mind. You see, I was made to do this. I was made to help you whenever you do something wrong. Even though one day, I know I'll be gone and you'll replace me with a new one, I'm actually happy with my job. So please, stop worrying. I hate seeing you sad. :)

I found this conversation between the pencil and the eraser very inspirational. Parents are like the eraser whereas their children are the pencil. They're always there for their children, cleaning up their mistakes. Sometimes along the way... they get hurt, and become smaller (older, and eventually pass on). Though their children will eventually find someone new (spouse), but parents are still happy with what they do for their children, and will always hate seeing their precious ones worrying, or sad. This is for all parents out there..... Take Care….

Keep on reading

2011-01-04T19:04:00.000-08:00

the peaceful of siLence

I cant believe time passes really fast. Just with a blink of an eye, we are already 5 days in the year 2011. Looking back at 2010, i can say that this is so far the BEST year of my life. In another words,
IN SHORT : PEOPLE OF ALL WALKS OF LIFE.
I am really thankful for this. I now know who are my true friends and who are not. I know how people in the REAL world out there behave, and how selfish can one be. Not only that, I now know how some people can twist words around and make it sound really bad and also people who are out there to defame you.
But best of all, i am thankful to those who stood by me. You know who you are.
A lot of things too happened in my life besides
Lets see what else happened. OH YES, I started photography. I’ve been wanting to learn about photogs all my life. I admit i still suck at it, but hey im learning. And i wont give up.

HAVE A BLAST IN 2011 and GOOD LUCK TO YOU WHO ARE READING THIS - and keep on reading my blog. HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011!
and yes I've learned to forgive those who had hurt me. 2011 is the year of a brand new start!

Happy New year 2011

2010-12-31T21:21:00.000-08:00

Have you ever say sorry? or felt guilty?

Taking responsibility and saying that you are sorry about something you did wrong is one way you can let go of guilt. Guilt says, "I did something wrong and so now I have to feel bad." There are two kinds of guilt.

Helpful guilt is an emotion that comes from the conscience when you have done something you know is wrong. Guilt helps you look at your behavior and say, " what I did was wrong for me and
it hurt someone else. this is helpful guilt, it gets you to change.

There is another kind of heaped on guilt that is not helpful. This is extra guilt where you feel guilty but you always feel like you are right and the other part have to say sorry to you.
This guilt is NOT productive.
Anyway as for me saying sorry is not easy as you pour a water on the floor and clean it with anything. and you think its clean??

Saying sorry is like you really do feel sorry to her and tell the person to her face what you are sorry about. Or you can even write a letter, or you can put in the blog or even talk to that person
and tell them of your regrets that you hurt the person. Even if it has been years and years ago
since you hurt someone, you can still write about it and say that you are sorry...

Let me start by saying sorry to all that I love, first to myself...

Dear Min,

I am sorry I have hurt you for the past 43 years. You have gone through so much suffering to the point you have practically given up hope of ever knowing who you are or what you can accomplish. I have lead you down the road of deep depression alot. Please forgive me. I have never known how to love you but always put others happiness before you. No one is perfect and you don't have to regret for what you have now. .and your husband, your son, even your daughter is not perfect either. Just accept for who you are..
Please forgive me..Ya Allah please forgive me, help me, guide me and give me strength to help myself become a whole person who loves herself. But most important please give me a second chance to help me undo all the wrongs I have done to myself.

to my parents...
Dear Mak and Bapak,

I can't tell you enough or in the right words how sorry I am for the things that I've done.
I wish I could turn back the time. I am sorry that I caused so much trouble for you both when you were alive. Mak..I am sorry I yelled at you sometime when I was a teenage.
Bapak..I'm sorry for all those thing I did that make you feel hurt. . I am glad you are my parents because though life was not perfect I would not have become the person I am today.

to my sister..

Sorry for all the arguments. Really do love you all although I find it hard to show and to be able to tell you properly. I am sorry I yelled at you all sometimes when I was angry. You are the best sister in the world and I hope you all can forgive me.

to my friends..

To Nana, do you know that you are my best friend? I am sorry for all of the times I made you feel bad and I wish I could take them all back. Our relationship may never return to normal, and I regret it deeply.

To kak Sapia, you are my best friend forever (BFF) I am sorry for all the times I've hurt you and made you feel bad. Now when i look back on it i feel like such a hipocrit because i know i would hate it if you did that stuff to me. You have every right to be upsets with me and I respect that.

To my dear friend Zara, farzana, Noris, Ez, Lia, Hani, Sya, Manal, fara, edora, Anita, Narila, ALiza, Akmal, Kak Jida, Azi, Yesh, Ezwan, Fadzli, Anuar, Zul, Fairuz, Aida, Cherry, Lim, Yana, Rose, Ina, Azni zeti, AKmar, Melinda, you are all my friends, I do not want to make you feel bad about anything. You are wonderful to me, I will forever be grateful that I've had the privilege of knowing you all. and I love you all very much.

To all my friends out there..I am sorry for all my mistakes. You are my best friend and i do not know what i would do with out you.

To my darling angel, Tasya, I'm sorry for getting mad most of the time at home. I know it made you so sad and you didn't deserve it. I love you. I wasn't even mad at you at all. I wish you would have been able to skip school so I could hang out with you and hug you. I didn't mean to make you sad.

To my boy Afiq, I'm sorry that I hurt you. My feelings were hurt. I feel really bad and sad about hitting you. I want to be your friend and I won't hit you anymore. I'm sorry I yelled at you sometimes. Im' sorry I have driven fast, with you in the car, when angry with you. Please forgive me. I will refuse to listen to that little voice inside me that says you are stupid and worthless and will never amount to anything. I will never get mad at you again when you make a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes why should I expect you to never make one. I will never punish you again for trying your best and it was not up to the standards I expected out of you. I will affirm you with thoughts of love only. I will take care of you and love and help you see that the little child in you was only doing what he thought he could do to protect himself. I am sorry for all of the things I've done to you. You were the best thing that ever came into my life. I love you so much.

To my dear husband...

Im sorry for been a very angry person for those years ago. . All this time I thought I was doing the right thing, but I wasn't. All I want is for our family to be happy, and I will do whatever needs to be done to assure that. We are getting old and We have change alot, I know that. ..

and lastly..
Ya.. Allah ampunkanlah dosa-dosa hamba mu ini.
I'm sorry. I'm awful and horrible and rotten on the inside please forgive me and help me. my family means the world to me i dont want to hurt them anymore. My point is..let just hugs forgive and forget and say sorry to all we love. Have a good new year 2011 !!!

Its ramadan again 2010

2010-08-12T19:01:00.000-07:00

the peaceful of ramadan

To all Muslims, wherever you are, let's welcome the holy month of Ramadan al-Mubarak wholeheartedly. Fasting is not only an ibadah but practically a good test against all forms of greed and hunger...

ALHAMDULLILAH.Thanks you Ya ALLAH for giving me an opportunity to experience Ramadan again..It's a bless and hopefully this Ramadan will bring Rahmat, hopefully my Ramadan this year is better then before. I never spend my Ramadan outside Malaysia.

Through fasting we learn to give up things which may give us pleasure for the sake of higher principle. The Prophet taught us to spend Ramadan in acts of charity, feeding the poor, and assisting those who are less fortunate. In fact, the fasting is not complete until food or money is given to those in need beside Ramadan is not about food..it's holy month.
But don't be suprise some muslim will talk about having nice the fast at the hotel. I am not a rich person but I always remember this, Ramadan is blessed time when all Muslim gather together. It is time to remember the poor, strive to please Allah by being the most generous and it is time of much prayers. Come and join me Iftar with the orphan kids everyday at Kemuning Utama Surau. Insyallah.
Have a bless ramadan.

Improve your life

2010-08-05T18:26:00.000-07:00

the peaceful heart

Just something to share...
In a letter to his wife Jai and his children, Dylan, Logan, and Chloe, he wrote this beautiful "guide to a better life" for his wife and children to follow.May you be blessed by his insight.

POINTS ON HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR LIFE

Personality:
1. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
2. Don't have negative thoughts of things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment
3. Don't over do; keep your limits
4. Don't take yourself so seriously; no one else does
5. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip
6. Dream more while you are awake
7. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
8. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner of his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
9. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
10. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present
11. No one is in charge of your happiness except you
12. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
13. Smile and laugh more
14. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Community:

15. Call your family often
16. Each day give something good to others
17. Forgive everyone for everything
18. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6
19. Try to make at least three people smile each day
20. What other people think of you is none of your business
21. Your job will not take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
22. Put GOD first in anything and everything that you think, say and do.
23. GOD heals everything
24. Do the right things
25. However good or bad a situation is, it will change
26. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up
27. The best is yet to come
28. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful
29. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it
30. If you know GOD you will always be happy. So, be happy.

While you practice all of the above, share this knowledge with the people you love, people you school with, people you play with, people you work with and people you live with.Not only will it enrich YOUR life, but also that of those around you.

Family Day

2010-07-24T21:36:00.000-07:00

the peaceful of siLence

Finally I have the time to blog this post. It’s a real pleasure for me as this is our fifth family day. The photo session was taken on a bright Saturday morning at Isma Chalet, location at Padang Kemunting, Malacca.
The starting was rather slow as the children need some time to get use with the place around, and after about 10 mins, we begun rock ‘n roll! This 2010 family day also brings back a lot old memories we have here. Our first family day was happen here at the same location on 2006. I will try to search the photo and share out to everyone once I get my internal hard drive here.

So, here’s some of the photos for sharing…

My siser and her family watching her sand castle flood away..

Addin the Winner for "Pijak Belon" this year.

2009

Year 2009- Family Day was happen at the same place but at Deruan Ombak, Chalet.

This game was to call "rebut gula-gula" meaning you have to grab as much as you can the sweets.

My beautiful niece and nephew.

Don't speak

2009-10-16T19:32:00.000-07:00

the peaceful of siLence

"Don't Speak" (tak payah cakap apa-apa)

You and me (who ever think she is always with me lah..better don't ask)
We used to be together together always
I really feel That I'm losing my best friend

(do i have one?)
I can't believe This could be the end
It looks as though you're letting go And if it's real Well

(never mind lah if u tink boyfren is lagi bestkan then a fren)
I don't want to know Don't speak
I know just what you're saying So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts Don't speak I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons Don't tell me cause it hurts
Our memories Well, they can be inviting
But some are altogether Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I With my head in my hands
I sit and cry Don't speak I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak I know what you're thinking I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts It's all ending I gotta stop pretending who we are... You and me
I can see us dying...are we? ( I noe ur not)Don't speak I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak I know what you're thinking I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts Don't tell me cause it hurts!
I know what you're saying So please stop explaining
Don't speak,don't speak, don't speak, oh I know what you're thinking
And I don't need your reasons
I know you're good, I know you're good, I know you're real good
(I know you are a real good pretender)

p/s: Since today is Deepavali I would like to wish Happy Deepavali to Dato Samy Vello, Jaclyn Victor, Ashawarai, my fren Sujata, Vincent, my neber Rani and to Mr. Balan my english teacher ( i hate u coz u failed my exam and I didnt get my cert)

raya 2009

2009-09-28T21:44:00.000-07:00

SeLamat Hari RaYa 2009
I will like to take this opportunity to wish all my friends in advance, especially to all my RWP friends, Lia, Fara, Ez, Edora,Ida, Aida, AkmaL, Akma, Yana, Yuhai, Ezwan , Rose, and tini.
And also to my friend Zack and Zack fren fara..Wish all and your family a blessed Raya and may this season bring joy and laughter and don’t forget the unfortunate ones.

May all the goods things come this year for everyone.

I’m sorry I didn’t extend my Raya greeting earlier but Raya is for the whole month of Syawal and today is only the 8th day of Raya, right? I just came back from a long weekend at my hubby hometown, at Denai 5, Jb.

To my non Muslim friends..
Happy Holiday!

Ku Pohon Restu Ayah Bonda by Al Jawaher, one of the most ’syahdu tangkap leleh’ Raya song, besides the ever popular Dendang Perantau by P. Ramlee and Dari Jauh Ku Pohon Maaf by Sudirman.

We started our ‘balik kampung’ journey at 6am, reached Banda Kaba around 8am. The road was pretty clear so we had the road all for ourself, all the way up. That explained the 2 hours drive from KK to BK. We stopped by in Nilai before continuing our journey to Banda Kaba.

I spent my time in my Kampung like how I normally do it when I’m back home. Helping my sister Cooking for takbir raya food, and after that eating all I can (my puasa effort during the fasting month went down the drain), watching tv and meeting some old school friends.

Lastly, a community message brought to you by a responsible blogger..chewahh
Please drive safely and be alert on the roads.I need you to stay in one piece to continue reading and commenting on my blog It is boring for me to read my own shits..

Raya09 memory

2009-09-28T19:45:00.000-07:00

hahh...this is all anak-anak frenz and sister who's coming during raya

ahaKs..so sejuk, its early morning tau

raya at my kampung house - this old buruk house was use to be my house

and I miss the precious moment.

raya with niece Alia Sofia

Ramadan Kareem

2009-08-21T17:22:00.000-07:00

the peaceful of siLent

Tomorrow , once again, the blessed month of Ramadan will be with us; once again, like ‘golden hours on angel wings’, will descend upon us its blessed moments.
No time is like the Ramadan time. For in it lies that night which is ‘better than a thousand months’, the ‘Night of Destiny ... in it the angels and the Spirit descend’ (AlQadr 97:1-4). It is ‘that blessed night in which was made distinct everything wise’ and ‘a warning’ and a ‘mercy’ was sent down which God has always sent for mankind (AlDukhan 44: 3-6).
That is why the Fasting is placed in Ramadan. In this technological age, when clock has become the only measure of time and every concept of sacredness of time has been erased from human memory, some may find it difficult to visualize how every moment of Ramadan encompasses centuries in it, how it allow us to draw nearer to God at a much faster pace.

I would like to wish everyone the blessings and mercy of God during this month and always. Let us help ourselves and one another improve our condition, keep sight of what is most important, and show compassion to all those around us. Have a blessings Ramandan Al-Mubarak. I love you all my friends..

New Office New friends..

2009-08-18T01:17:00.000-07:00

the peaceful of siLence

Friday 7th August 2009
I am stuck in the bed, warm and cozy, when the rain pouring outside. Nice, I am taking a day leave today. Feeling miserable last night over this stupid incident of my car kaput, and my stomach went upset the whole night. I decide not to think too much on work matter. and I wont let these people to ruin
my life.. No way.. ...
Deep inside, I need to think some plan which has been derailed quite some time.
I even have not take my medical check up yet for more then 4 months,

All because of this piece of shit I have been into lately. And being a working slave, do I need to make other people miserable too?
I noticed I will be happier working at RWP and hanging out with same type of people I used to have before and it is proven. Well I don't say that my so call "kerang team" is not good :)

To all my Pipeline Team Ex RWP, you all are always in my heart. We are still in one of the best team, One for All and All for one..yeaHaa!

Usahlah berdendam

2009-07-29T18:32:00.000-07:00

the peaceful of siLent

Apa yang baik, belum tentu benar. Apa yang benar, belum tentu baik. Apa yang bagus, belum tentu berharga. Apa yang berharga atau berguna, belum tentu bagus.Fikiran dan mulut merupakan suatu kombinasi. Semakin banyak kita berbicara tentang diri sendiri, semakin banyak pula kemungkinan kita untuk berbohong. Jika kita tidak dapat menjadi orang pandai, jadilah orang yang baik.Lidah kita yang menentukan siapa kita. Jika kejahatan di balas kejahatan, maka itu adalah dendam. Jika kebaikan dibalas kebaikan itu adalah perkara biasa. Jika kebaikan dibalas kejahatan, itu adalah zalim. Tapi jika kejahatan dibalas kebaikan, itu adalah mulia dan terpuji.Sesungguhnya sebagian perkataan itu ada yang lebih keras dari batu, lebih tajam dari tusukan jarum, lebih pahit daripada hempedu dan lebih panas daripada bara. Sesungguhnya hati adalah ladang, maka tanamlah ia dengan perkataan yang baik, kerana jika tidak tumbuh semuanya (perkataan yang tidak baik) nescaya tumbuh sebagiannya.Iri hati yang ditunjukan kepada seseorang akan melukai diri sendiri. Kita cuma hidup sekali saja di dunia ini, tetapi jika kita hidup dengan benar, sekali saja sudah cukup.Seorang teman sejati akan membuat kita hangat dengan kehadirannya. Seorang teman adalah yang dapat mendengarkan lagu di dalam hatimu dan akan menyanyikan kembali tatkala kau lupa akan bait-baitnya. Bertemanlah dengan orang yang suka akan kebenaran. Dialah hiasan di kala kita senang dan perisai di waktu kita susah.Tiada seorang pun yang sempurna. Mereka yang mau belajar dari kesalahan adalah bijak. Menyedihkan melihat orang berkeras bahawa mereka benar meskipun terbukti salah. Bila kita mengisi hati kita dengan penyesalan untuk masa lalu dan kekhuatiran untuk masa depan, kita tak akan memiliki hari ini untuk kita syukuri.Sekali tidak berhasil bukan bererti gagal selamanya. Belajarlah dari kesalahan orang lain. Engkau tidak dapat hidup cukup lama untuk mendapatkan semua itu dari dirimu sendiri.Smart people learn from their own mistakes. Smarter people learn from the mistakes of others. A Champion is someone who always try to get up even when he/she can't.Ubahlah apa yang masih boleh diubah. Terimalah apa yang memang sudah tidak boleh diubah. Hindarkan diri dari perkara-perkara yang berpotensi yang akan mendatangkan perubahan buruk.

- copy paste from email

2008-12-16T06:20:00.001-08:00

the peaceful of siLence

“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.”

2008-12-16T06:11:00.000-08:00

“A friend is someone who, upon seeing another friend in immense pain, would rather be the one experiencing the pain than to have to watch their friend suffer...

2008-12-16T06:04:00.000-08:00

the peaceful of siLence

Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends.”

To my dear Siti Norhana..Semuga Allah swt sentiasa melindungi Hana- Mami

Do appreciate what you have NOW.

2008-12-14T23:50:00.000-08:00

the peaceful of siLent

Peace of Mind - Monday Morning Motivation;

Do appreciate what u HAVE....NOW!

GRATITUDE is POWER , and here's why.... When you are thankful for what you have - for the friends you have, and for the things you've got, you attract more good people and good things! People who always complain about what they DON'T HAVE, stay stuck. Complainers attract more things to complain about! It is a law of life. It's hard to explain, but you can observe it around you. We get more of what we dwell upon. That's why all the spiritual masters have taught the same lesson ..... 'Start by being thankful. Be happy with what you have now, and more will come your way.' It's practical advice. IN A NUTSHELL Every time you say a silent 'thank you' you become more peaceful – and more power - (cut and paste from the email.)

smiLe coz I Love you!!

cheers-ej

MagMyPic

2008-11-17T03:15:00.001-08:00

Create Fake Magazine Covers with your own picture at MagMyPic.com

MySilenceWorld

2008-11-13T21:16:00.001-08:00

Get your own Family Sticker Maker & MySpace Layouts.

Peaceful of Ramadan

2008-09-23T13:49:00.000-07:00

the peaceful of silent

Alhamdulillah, Its already 23 days fasting in Ramadhan. Definitely for me, this will be the best ramadhan so far . I have made a lot of changes in my attitude compare to previous ramadhan.
God willing! … still can remember how busy i could be during last ramadhan, where i would be busy with life all days and doing nothing. Those days when it came to fasting month, i would only work-eat-sleep and watching tv. This year those negative attitude must be thrown away. Therefore I made a commitment that this fasting month would be different from those years and I shall get out from my paradigm.

I Thank You Allah for the blessing given during this month, I do have gastric and now I know my gastric is due to overeating. For those who try to be lazy and making excuses not to fast during Ramadhan, I do not blame you for it. What I am asking you to do is to be sincere with yourself during this month.Ramadhan is definitely a month full of blessing !
I cried everytime I heard this song..

kumengharapkan ramadhan...
kali ini penuh makna...
agar dapat kulalui...
dengan sempurna...
selangkah... demi selangkah...
setahun sudah pun berlalu...
masa yang pantas berlalu...
hingga tak terasa pun...
berada di bulan ramadhan..semula...
kumengharapkan ramadhan...
kali ini penuh makna...
agar dapat kulalui...
dengan sempurna...
puasa... satu amalan...
sebagai mana yang diperintah NYA...
moga dapat kulenturkan... nafsu yang selalu...
membelenggu diri... tiada henti henti...
kumengharapkan ramadhan...
kali ini... penuh makna... agar dapat kulalui...
dengan sempurna...
kumengharapkan ramadhan... kali ini... penuh makna...
tak inginku... biarkan ramadhan... berlalu saja...
tuhan pimpinlah... daku yang lemah...
mengharungi segalanya... dengan sabar...
kumengharapkan ramadhan... kali ini... penuh makna...
agar dapat kulalui... dengan sempurna...
kumengharapkan ramadhan... kali ini... penuh makna...
agar dapat kulalui... dengan sempurna...
kememohon pada tuhan...
diberikan kekuatan...
kemerayu pada tuhan...
diterima amalan...
selangkah... demi selangkah...
dengan rahmatmu oh tuhanku... kutempuh jua...

Thank you Allah

2008-09-19T22:36:00.000-07:00

the peaceful of siLence

On the 12-09-08 I got to know the news that I can get the keys.Can you believe that?? Get my new house keys??? That's crazy, everything just come to well for me suddenly in just merely 3 days time and I received so many good things, I could not accept the fact that I am bless during this ramadhan- Alhamdulilah. And I am so thankful, very sincerely Thanks to Al-Walid for all I have this year.

Give thanks to Allah

Give thanks to Allah, for the moon and the starsprays in all day full, what is and what was take hold of your imandont givin to sjeitan oh you who believe please give thanks to Allah.Allah o Ghefor Allah o Rahim Allah o yihibbon Mohsinin,o Khalikhone o Razikhone whahoe ala kolli sjeiin khadir
Allah is Ghefor Allah is Rahim Allah is the one who loves the Mohsinin, he is a creater, he is a sistainer and he is the one who has power over all.
Give thanks to Allah, for the moon and the starsprays in all day full, what is and what wastake hold of your imandont givin to sjeitan oh you who believe please give thanks to Allah.Allah o Ghefor Allah o Rahim Allah o yihibbon Mohsinin,o Khalikhone o Razikhone whahoe ala kolli sjeiin khadir
Allah is Ghefor Allah is Rahim Allah is the one who loves the Mohsinin,he is a creater, he is a sistainer and he is the one who has power over all.

ej

My busy Weekend

2008-09-01T23:49:00.000-07:00

the peacefull of siLence

My busy weekend
Clothes are packed, coffee in the turmos and bottle packed, with baggage all ready.we are going back to JB, for MIL’s anniversary and celebrating first day of ramadhan. I can’t wait to taste my favourite Lontong kering and Curry Noodles again. My husby can’t wait to eat all his favourite kempas Otak-Otak again. Afiq and tasya can’t wait to play under the rambutan trees and see all her cousins again. This week is a busy week for me, not even have time to blog hop! but its so nice can have a short break like this. :P

I think its more fun to be up the tree then under the rambutan tree.

Wahashtene my LiL AkMa

2008-08-31T23:45:00.000-07:00

the peaceful of siLence

I got a strong sense that the new girl standing across from me didn't like me too much on her first day in the Pipeline Department at RWP. Apparently, she thought Im the type of hot tempered person, and my fierce face shown that. (correct me if I'm wrong K'ma) I didn't set out to prove myself to her, but it must've happened because before long, the two of us became friends. It was an unlikely pairing to say the least. One day we were alone in praying room and I've notice that there is something I liked about her. I never would've thought that we had much in common, We just got along so well (when she wasn't driving me crazy with teasing, etc.).
Yes, like the others, she teased me often. SHe used to yell "Penerbangan Pertama!!" "(the first passenger leaving)(i used to be the first one leaving office when I'm driving alone) when I walked out the door. Somewhere along the line, she changed it to "BYE kak MIN" or something else, I realize she was just teasing me.
I've learned that: She was an outdoorsy type. Very fit, but not into fitness, just into doing things she enjoyed. Just to do it. She was a free spirit who enjoyed life. "She could never sit still,"

Im still learning about her . "She was always on the go. She biked. She hiked." I am not surprised when I heard she's leaving RWP KL office traffers to Singapore Office.
I don't know what drew the two of us closer, but I do read her blogs often. and I admired her alot. I like to think of her and Zack, Farra, Ed, Ezhani, Maz, Lia, Aida and mangkok and so many others of my lil friends having a great time in life.

I'm trying to smile more and complain less. Tell my husband that I love him, and that I feel lucky to have our life. I know that all of my friends would have wanted that.

To my LiL AkMa- VoN Vayage- May Allah bless you in every steps you made.

a song to remember

2008-08-12T17:10:00.000-07:00

I Lop my opis mate ;P

Sahabat- by Aizat

Sahabat…mengapa kau pergi

Tinggal aku sendiri

Kau tahu ku tak sanggup

Sahabat…ingat lah kau slalu

Jadi yang terbaik

Walau kau tak disini lagi

Sahabat…aku rindu padamu

Datang walau sesaat

Ku ingin kan kau hadir

Chorus:

Aku disini dan menunggu

Diam tanpa dirimu

Kau tahu ku tak bisa

Beranjak terbang dan melayang

tanpa diri mu ku tak bisa dan kembalilah

- Aizat

This song reminds me of someone..cause when she left without saying goodbye, the song popped in my head, especially the verse,"sahabat aku rindu padamu...datanglah walau sesaat"
The first time I heard this song.. I was like drained..but nvm .. I'm happy now.

Thanks to Al-Walid.

Paintball more like Pain Ball

2008-08-09T06:45:00.000-07:00

the peaceful of siLence

On July 26, 2008, I forgot to add up about RWP Paintball Tournament which is held at Astaka PJ just nearby Tun Hussin Onn Eye hospital.

They announced it thru email and I was like >>o-O<<> when I saw my name was there.
It was Saturday morning ;(I had to wake up darn early, 5.30 am during weekend to be precise!Akmal offered to fetch me ;) im so lucky.
So, nevermind. Akmal arrived - chatted a little with my husbby and off we go,to PJ, for paintball. I reached there, with butterflies in my stomache. Thankfully I had a dose of coffee in the morning. It seriously helps I tell you!

Coffee~ Coffee~ Coffee~ Breakfast was provided there.
We waited for everyone to gather and a briefing was given beforehand. All the rules; do's and don't were emphasized and explained and boy, Actually I was scared, my hands were trembling. Xl

Listening to Mr.Commander (forgot his name) explaining about paintball was urm,

entertaining actually.
The moment has arrived, everyone was gearing up and separated into teams. Mine's consisting of:

Razib the QA guy our COOL TeamLeader, Dzir the IT Guy (but he did'nt turn up), Shavan (she's one of the boss secretary), Danial from Structural dept, Azlan from Support Dept, Azwin from Instrument and myself !
Game time!! It's so hard to breathe under the facemask! I seriously suffocated many many times.

Can you indentify who is who?

For sure you can..:P

Before paintball, kena pose pose sikit for confidence!

Soldiers, onward march!
This is right before we headed in for the first round.The gun (it's actually called a marker) was pretty heavy and it's so oily!The pellets that we shot out is actually really oily,once you step on it you'll glide like you've stepped on a banana peel!
So for a final confidence boost before battle!
Safety is a must to be obeyed or face the consequences!

Our L&D Team

So this is how our battlefield looks like.there are tons of things around for us to hide ourselves.

I tell you, whatever confidence you have beforehand,
For the first round, it was like so crazy can!It was my first time in paintball, so it's very hard for me to be "in the zone."I was thankful that I have that Radzi guy backing me up.Luckily I didn't get shot, and I wasn't aware of the surroundings.
Suddenly, Zamri the Mechanical guy who was on the enemy team forced me to surrender!He aim his gun right infront of my head.I can't do anything but to surrender but I vowed,Zamri, I'm gonna get you!
And indeed, I got him!I killed him in the second round!I killed him first with a headshot and then a buttshot.Muahahahahaha happy gilanya aku!
During the third round.Luckily for me, I didn't get shot at all! Although I did kill a few, hehehehehehe.Fourth round, I couldn't breathe!I was so close to passing out so I just stay where I was I don;t even move,I gave my marker to Danial who ran out of pellets and he managed to get the flag.Our team won for that round ;)
For the final round, celaka-ness I ran out of pellets! But, I managed to kill that QA girl before I ended my session. Yay for me!
It was so tiring after we ended, everyone was just drained!But we had some leftover pellets, so we did target practice!We took turns to shoot and it was nothing fun la,just shoot at objects only!I'd rather be shooting humans! (everybody was so damn exicited to shot Mr. Rashdan our HR Manager including me) hahahahahahahaha.
Everyone enjoyed the outing very much, Thanks to the Learning & Develop Department. they work hard to make this happenthat I can see. Hopefully there'll be more of these exciting outings to come!

From this pain-ball game we learn how to be alert so that we are not directly in the angle where they shoot. I only got shot three times during the whole tournament. tell you what,.. after sleeping for 12 hours straight,my body is still aching. I can't even walk up the stairs without feeling excruciating torment,but thinking back about the crazy times I had with the Shouters and shoting that QA girl that day, (sorry eh Liz) it was well worth every drop of sweat and adrenaline rush.But unfortunately haven't been to any since then.this is fun to play and fun to shoot nice action shots!Hehe, yep it is fun. It is challenging as well! Like being in war zone tu la i told you guys, wanna burn some good calories, go paintballing. the energy used, the adrenaline rush fused together hehe, and you'd lose fat too hehe So, before we leave,
we all had lunch after paintball!We were tired, and hungry! Overall, the outing was exciting and I guess everyone will remember it with a BANG! Some even have marks etched on their skin as remembrance too. Hope you guys heal soon yah!

Finally I got the Certificate of Participation From Team Work Clinic

for the PaintBall Tournament held at Malaysia Paintball Academy, PJ.

YeHHH... Bravo to me!!

RWP Sport Club Treasure Hunt

2008-08-05T07:58:00.000-07:00

Arrived at 6.48 AM

Foto time.

I have just been so tied up with work !!! GRRRRRRRRR >.<

But anyway...

Last week, we went for RWP annual Sports Club Treasure Hunt from KL to Holiday Villa Cherating. I had everything ready to go early and I felt completely relaxed, which is not always the case prior to a long journey. The Hunt was a resounding success.

My kids absolutely loved the hunt. They had so much fun, and worked really well in teams.

Here's some highlights:

Got up 530am. VERY sleepy.....My husband and myself didn't had any breakfast until at 930am. Sleepy...

Hunt started at 745am. My kids and me made the Lazy Bums!! Still sleepy..

First stop: Karak Town for mission 1 - natural consumable items . Still sleepy....

Second stop: Karak highway at the Petronas station on the way to Genting. Mission: Grab "Treasures" Started to be alert from here.

All other stops: We were given 25 clues. Very stressed out in all Question sectors =.=

"Final stop: reached at Holiday Villa around 230pm.

Checked in at 305pm.

Dinner at 730pm.

Most dressed up as sexy pirates..

The rest of the night....the usuals - penalty, giving out prizes, and FINALLY!!! I m going to bed!!!! Sleeeppppp.......that's about 130am. TIRED...

The ShukJazz didnt won any Prize in treasure hunting...but we still got a hamper for not winning anything - good one :D

Oh well....better than nothing at all.

Its not about the prizes, its the people u share the winning that counts ;)

headache

2008-07-30T00:25:00.000-07:00

the peaceful of siLence

Um.... interesting how i see that ppl kinda get happy when you (me) are not around them....

ANYWAYYYSSSS...
LIFE is good, yesterday i felt sad for some reason, I'M REALLY NOT SURE WHY, but
you know wen you are just there and you feel like that thing inside in ur gut or something,
those butterflies in the stomach and stuff, thats what i felt, but i really donno why, i think it is the SAME REASON, why i always get sad, or actually DONT HAVE.. i guess thats it.. sorry if you dont understand what im talkin about, but i
understand myself so.., whateverrr

since friday is our halfday working

2008-07-15T23:57:00.000-07:00

the peaceful of siLence

My lovely hubby bought me a slimming package with free 1 facial last week at Slimming Sactuary.(don't remember how its spell)
“You must call them to make appointment, they are very busy ,” he told me.
So today I started going to that place since we got a halfday on friday.
So the‘beautician’ explained my skin type and what she would do while scanning
my face with a eye-scope and displayed the images in the notebook screen.
Eeek! Lots of clogged pores, dirt (a lot of outdoors?), oil and blemishes.

The reception area appeared small but according to my beautician,
“There are 22 room here,” when I asked her.
The walls are in navy too so it’s quite dark but the rooms are in beidge or white - couldn’t really tell.

Each room has a bed, a sink with automated hot / cold water
(convenient for facial & massages), a mirror and hanger for your clothes.
Most of the customers would have a machine brought in for facial.
There is a loose garment to wear because there’s shoulder & neck massage.
Some of the products are applied there too.

The facial would take about 2hrs. For my pimples with oily skin, I was:

cleansed
2 masks
pimples, blackheads & whiteheads extraction
brief face & shoulder massage
It was very relaxing - I almost fell asleep. Except the extraction part.
2 cotton pads were put over my eyes to protect them from the light onto face.
And I suspect to absorb my tears. After the facial is finished,
I was brought to the same room as the screening again to check results.

Really, cleaner and fresher. There was less red marks from the pimples
retraction compared to Praise Beauty.

Then she introduced the facial package. RM2000 for 10 facial sessions and
50% discount on skincare products.
What?! It was too expensive for me. Seeing my reluctance,
she offered another package - RM1000 for 5 facial sessions and 3 products
in full size (cleanser, toner, moisturizer).

“Let me think first,” I told her.

“You must sign up today. The promotion is not valid on another day.”

Wah, shit. This is how SS capture you.

“You also get 3 free facial vouchers for your friends each month.”

My beautician also recommended Collagen drink to detoxify and have more energy -
there’s a promotion of Buy 2 Free 1 for April. 1 pack is RM180. I didn’t buy it.
She persuaded me to take it but I insisted not to.

The point is: (Akmal, sorry I pinjam your ayat kejap)

YOU CAN SAY NO and LEAVE.

By the time I reached home, the red spots were apparent!
I thought we shouldn’t get scars from facials! But after a day or two,
I noticed my skin was better and no more red spots.

Resolution:

Learn to say NO more often
Eat more Vit C & fruit
Drink more water
Shit more
Exercise and manage stress

~ej

her siLence from my world

2008-06-25T21:40:00.000-07:00

don't leave you said to me and for a moment i feared i'd stay ..

but your plea rang hollow so i quietly walked away i can see you through the glass and i wonder was it done in vain now i'd do anything to simply make the pain go away

if you'd have me ..

i'd take you back again and erase the mistakes i've made

if you'd have me ..

i'd take you back again and add to the mistakes i've made

i remember morning light and i was waiting for u and and u was'nt there

my cry was like a shower to clear my head

everyday a reminder of what a fool i've been seemed

when i left you i'd left everything i'd known now you have shown me i'm not the person

i thought i was i believed in you i had faith in you i was there for you now i'm lost in you

Just a memory

2008-06-09T21:38:00.000-07:00

deaR bestfren,
The love that I have for you
Is done and dead, it's so far away
But you're still here in my head
And you're still here, you'll never leave my heart

Just when I thought things were alright
You came and ripped out my heart
My stomach's full of butterflies
The thought of you gone, it tears me apart

I cant remember how u look like
sometime i cried all night until i fell asleep,
And i know we're through
But i've still got thoughts of you left inside my head

So stop me now
Stop my thoughts cause you're killin me
But you don't know
Even though we've grown apart
I'll still be there for you
Cause I don't wanna be just a memory to you ..

How's it been goin?.

2008-06-08T18:29:00.001-07:00

the peaceful of siLence

(from my old blog)
06:29 PM, June 8, 2004 .. 0 comments .. Link
... well.. life's has it's ups n downs.. ups are when: u have such a good time talking to family,
even tho it's only by phone thanks to distance; u actually get to do work; enjoy times n laughs
with friends; getting to know ppl that u never tot u'd get along with so well; learning who i am
more n more, n lots more experiences; for not knowing wat the future brings etc....

the downs? for thinking too much which causes ur muscles to tense up :) yes, for those who
know me.. we very well know what that leads to.. ; for kicking urself when u can't concentrate on
work; for being confused n worried about things; for the black shades in ur life..

~sad ej.

siLence of me

2008-06-06T06:33:00.000-07:00

Kapas Island

SiLence nite at the beach

2008-06-02T05:50:00.000-07:00

During last school holiday,I went to Pulau Kapas for vacation with my kids
and husband and siblings. We were so frustrated and we learn a lesson, this is my last vacation in that Island.

The accomudation and servise at the chalet we rented was awful.
First...

Service is so bad. We reach there about 3pm without any lunch.
No ala cart menu for guest. You can only eat during
a specific time for buffet and only when you had
in advance via booking (b'fast/lunch/dinner) and if
you decide to cancel it they still charging you for that.
The room was disaster (although tidied up)
Especially the bathroom - its awful!
The tv only have one local channel.
No hot shower. No air-conditioning and I stayed at my
sister's room event it was there it was a crap!
It switched off by it self every couple of hours
and you have to restart it again.
The place was totally messed up and not well-kept.
I do not recommend this chalet (Makchik Gemuk chalet) or
call it MGH (Makcik gemuk Holding) the cekik darah chalet!!.

Anyway..the Island itself was sooo beautiful, snookling down there, It was heavenly, as you can imagine(thanks to my beloved sister Yah)..I had a good time and my silence nite (it was priceless) at the beach while my husband busy with his fishing trip.:)

SiLence Love

2008-05-31T15:34:00.000-07:00

Lately i’ve been drained. No emotions just nothing.
I feel nothing..no sadness at all.
Which should be a good thing but i think its the worse kind of pain of all.
I want to feel my heartbreak i want to let it out.
Get it over with…i have a lot to say.No one to say it to. But I just wanna to say something to my lovely buddy my awesome husband..opsss is this a love letter or what? takpe lahh (never mind - wotever!)

DeaR Mr husband..
Do you ever known the way I love you?
The way that I think about you all the time,
The way that I can’t get you out of my mind,
The way that I swear I have loved no one more guy,
The way that I see how great you have made me,
The way that I know you are the one,
The way that I want you here with me,
The way that I need you so that I can survive,
The way that I have to make you smile,
The way that I would die if you left me (Insyallah),
The way that I cry if you are hurt,
The way that I smile just hearing you breathe,
The way that I frown when you are unhappy,
The way that I put you before anyone else,
The way that I hope you know how I feel,
The way that I love the things you say even when you have nothing to say,
The way that I hate when people mess with you,
The way that I pray I will be with you forever in Jannah,
The way that I wish that you were here with me,
The way that I wait for you no matter what,
The way that I feel when you are not around,
The way that I miss you even when you are right there,

All of this shows me how strong I feel, and how much I need you.
Thank you Allah for this love.

and lastly to my dear bestfrenz,
&it doesn’t even matter. Cuz nothing even matters.Because its over. So whats next for me…?

I need you. But importantly I need you to need me..err u got what i mean?
After all I need Allah more then I need anything now.

Young in heart

2008-05-25T22:10:00.001-07:00

..got my hair cut yesterday.. it was long over due..
had to delay it due to the itch that i had previously..
well due to the itch there is this nasty scar (previously)
on my neck that looks like a hickkie (love bite..what ever u call it lah..)..

(shoot some photo of Nora and gave it to the amoi)
hehe.. so nak kata rambut anuar zain ke atau nak kata Nora? hahaha..

well i decided to trim it abit since it really went off the shoulder length..

.. pretty happy with my hair.. i think i prefer my hair to be short..
not that i really want to look younger ke apa, but that look gives me the
fresh and energetic looks hehehehe.. my lovely hubby said that..not me!
well .. wutever people say.. i feeL young indeed.

My best friend left me in siLence

2008-05-25T21:52:00.000-07:00

I fell almost as though all my blog are depressing. partly probably cause i only appear on this website when im extremely bored..and sad.

It was enough to lose my world to silence....when I close my eyes at night , the darkness takes me away to emptiness.

I'm tired of improving myself to fit into a world that doesn't understand nor accept me.

I've been feeling quite down recently. have been receiving bad news from ppl i care abt. just dunno wat is going on with me now. everything seems to be falling apart. wish i cud be somewhere else. wish i cud turn back the time and do something else. but all i can do is to hope that things will turn out for the better soon. i feel so hurt, i noe u really didnt say it on pourpose...what else can I say? if that will piss me then FINE!! , blame it all on me.. i know its gonna hurt like shit, im so over the feeling sorry for myself and feeling hurt cuz of you... i need to be happy... people are always gonna dissapoint me and stuff, i just need to learn to move on... it still hurts though.
had a lot of things to crap this year...but now forgotten it...must be the symptoms of my sadness ..anywayss..enuf for today ...blehhh.....throat pain and got tis headache
am feeling extremely confused right.. i realised i do not noe wat my life is about. life used to have a meaning. have a reason. but now its just a white sheet of paper. on the upper side, at least saying that is better than saying life's like a deep black hole. its a sign that i can still be helped?? ...dunno. life was meant to be meaningful, where i wud devote myself to succeed so that i cud help others, how it wud be happy ?. recently, things just fell apart. nothing seemed to matter anymore. everything i've ever dreamt of is a lie. no one had the same dream as i did. their dreams totally destroyed mine. everyone so important in my life regarded them selves important in their lives too. so where do i stand? all just selfishly want their own way. where does that leave me? is life just a game ppl play? all these makes me wonder if i do belong to where i belong.. stumbled upon this when i am sad and alone...I give and I give and I give, and this is what I get for it.?

to my dearie frenz
never say u love me

if u don't really care
never talk of feelings
if they aren't really there
never hold my hand
if u mean to break my heart
never say forever
if u ever plan to part
never lock up my heart
if u don't have key

I thought she is my best friend that god sent to me? no she's not..and im still waiting

Who am I ?

2008-03-25T21:29:00.000-07:00

What they say about...Taurus woman

Who am I ?
I am a constantly change person. If I'm up sets, i will not show it and will keep it to myself for a long time, and will remember them so well. If i gets really mad at someone, she or he will suddenly become a totally and completely stranger to me. But I'm a patient person, and always need new excitement. I hates long talk meeting, long and endless conversation. I can be in love with you today, and one day i could act as if i have never loved you before. I have patient with what i wants to do and will never give up until i gets there. I would be very persistent in what I'm doing.
Life
Money for me is not the most important factor in life. I thinks of money as an instrument for assuring of a good living. I had more satisfaction in achieving my goals more than satisfaction in fine cloths and luxuries. I liked to work and preferred not work at home.
Love
I loves animals. I loves my family and friends But..Love is in my head, but Freedom is in my soul. I'm not the type to talk about love, but i have a strange way to show it. I'm not good in showing when I like somebody, but if i liked someone, I will be honest to her as a true bestfren .I will have a good relationship with you, if you allow my freedom.Do not force me to be with you in a poker game which I hates, but let me goes out swinging with friends.I will be different than other person, and i thinks different is one of my unique quality. I will not stay with you, if i thinks you are not sincere. Loves me, but not too much for I'm afraid it will limiting my freedom. My Attitude
I'm not a jealous type because i have to know you thoroughly before accepting you in my life. I have more curiosity in life than wondering about something else. If you keep a distant from me, or go away for a few days, i will miss you more. I will never disappoint you or hide behind your back to make you loose face, but I'm the type who just going to tell you to your face directly.
My thought
I don't care about how people think about me, but everything should be done for "The Bless of Al-Wa-lid". I have lots of friends and sure of myself, so you will hardly see my delays any of my thoughts before my action. If i think of something, i will go ahead and do it.
My Style
I have my own style of dressing up, so you could see me dress like an old mate today, and tomorrowi may dress like i comes from Mars. You could see me dress like a poor farmer dinning in the fancy restaurant. So what? I'm still the same person.
ME and you
I liked to learn about your dreams and your thought. I can be funny, but suddenly cool and tough. I have fun teasing you and making jokes. But If I did something wrong, i won't hide it from you, but do not ask when I'm not in the mood to talk about it. I hates to owe people money and take promise seriously. If you promise to pay me back, you'd better paid up. If you want to make it with me, then do not be jealous or possessive, do not be narrow minded, do not criticize about nonsense or small and insignificant matters. Try to like my friends and let me have my privacy, then i can be very sweet to you. :)

Welcome back to my siLence world 2008

2008-02-01T22:30:00.000-08:00

Welcome!

I would like to personally welcome back you to my silence world where I share my sadness,or just to babble some nonsense. I hope you enjoy reading my blog and don't forget to bookmark this page!

I’ve realized that my old blog covers so many topics that it begins with sadness. Therefore,in this new blog I will write some articles that focuses about knowledge at least once a while and I really hope they would help some people even though these articles might bored you.

We will not always get what we want in life. We want to be a winner but we will not win all the time. All of us must have faced some kind of loses and failures at some points in our life. These failures should not be considered as a reason to stop and give up. In fact, accept these as a challenge. If you need strength to face them, talk honestly to your family members, especially your parents since they are sincere and they will only want the best for you. They are the ones that you can trust.

SeLamat Hari Raya 2007

2007-10-19T17:42:00.000-07:00

My Hari Raya as a kid
Hari Raya is a big deal for me when I was a kid. I can still remember how happy I was when they start playing Hari Raya festive songs on the radio. Nevermind if I skipped some fasting days, I always have this “feel-good” feeling whenever Hari Raya approaches. However, since I am now a mother pushing 40, this feeling have kinda fade off considerably but for now, I shall not write about that.

Every year my Hari Raya was like clockwork. There was this unwritten timetable-schedule of some sort that everyone followed. So for those non-Muslims out there who is curious on what the heck we Malay Muslims do during Hari Raya, perhaps I will shed some light.

I don’t know why but every Hari Raya eve, everyone would be an insomniac. It will be 3am and we will still be up. We would usually be watching reruns of P Ramlee movies.. ( his movies never gets old.. I don’t know how he does it.) My Mum would be practically wrestling with the curtains.. a last minute decoration item. The whole house would reek of fresh paint and the place would still be in a mess especially the kitchen but miraculously come morning, everything would be in order.
The whole house would smell of rendang which is a good thing because after 1 month long of fasting, you will get this weird-happy feeling of being able to eat again in the afternoon. (Muslims know what I’m talking about:)

When I was a kid, my parents have the knack to buy a new set of baju kurung for us. Even though our old baju kurung is still wearable, my parents have a “all-new” policy. And they would insist my brother wear hisy outfit with a samping. In case you guys do not know what I’m talking about, try picturing a guy wearing some pyjamas with a mini skirt. I wonder where the ancient Mats get this fashion idea from? But I gotta admit he look good. Give him a keris and he’ll make a good Hang Jebat.
Not bad eh?

Now next comes an awkward moment that as a kid, it took time for me to get accustomed with. We have to ask our parents for forgiveness for all the wrong doings that we have done to them. I’m not too proud to ask for forgiveness BUT I prefer to do it behind close doors and in private and NOT do it for all the sisters to see. My Mum will start first and ask forgiveness from my Dad. My elder brother will then go next, and my turn comes next .. I also learn that when you ask for forgiveness, it’s not as easy as “ Dad I sorry ah!” You gotta make a little speech and kinda whisper it to your parents to hear.. My forgive me speech template goes something like this:-
“Dad, I’m sorry for what I did before. I will try to be good. Maaf Zahir dan Batin” Whatever you do, you gotta add “zahir dan batin”. I don’t actually know what it means but since it’s in every Hari Raya greeting card, I bet it means from the bottom of heart.
My parents would then reply by saying “Don’t fight with your brother!” And then proceed to a hug. By now, my Mum and dad would start crying.. hard enough to express their emotions.

I guess I’ll get back into the Hari Raya mood , after I have kids, thing changed...
By now practically 90% of all Malay Muslim would head to the streets and head to our relative’s place.
The rule is to stop by the elder’s place (Grandma’s place) first then to the oldest uncle or aunt etc. The
drill is preety much the same for every place we go. We would sit around and watch Hari Raya specials on TV. while we gulp down glasses of Sarsi and Orange, eat pineapple tarts as our parents engage in private conversations.

An average visit would last around 30 mins to 45mins.
Nothing goes beyond an hour because my son would be complaining. The traditional ang pow will be
given and depending on the economy you will give from the standard $2 to $50. The market rate for this year’s ang pow is $5.

We would house hop for the entire day until night fall. By then, my son mini skirt samping would be flung across his body. His songkok will be left forgotten at some unknown auntie’s house and he will be farting ketupat and bandung. So you know what that means, it’s time to go home.

So I guess that’s preety much it. But as I grew older, I am not as psyke as I was before. I realise I have shifted my attention to Ramadan than Hari Raya. I would only go out to visit for a day and then would stay at home and work on my stuff. I would just wear ANY baju kurung I don’t shop for new baju kurung.

But hey, for all of you Muslim readers.. Here’s wishing you guys a Selamat Hari Raya! Forgive me if
I have written any crap that may appear as insulting or emailed you a nasty reply or abandoned your email or marked you as spam. Everybody makes mistakes and oh yes, I do.

Aku dan mak

2004-04-23T02:19:00.000-07:00

the peacefull of siLence

05:31 PM, April 25, 2004 .. 0 comments .. Link

Aku dengan Mak memang tak rapat. Mungkin sebab masa aku kecil aku ni
adalah sikit tomboy, tak reti meleseh dan aku suka membawa diri. I love to be alone and
found refuge in books .. if I wasn't up the tree or down in the drain ikut abg pergi tangkap ikan kira itu bukan aku.

Tapi aku paling ingat aku pernah merajuk and memang kuat merajuk masa kecik.
Mak was from the old school, kalau aku nakal tak reti duduk diam / hyperactive ), zass.!$% akan dicubitnya peha aku.

Aku penah merajuk but,.. bila AKU marah ..aku kayuh basikal and bawak diri.
THAT I remember, ...
and I was fourteen masa tu ! Kelam kabut orang tua aku carik dgn motor kapchai abg bila aku tak balik sampai magrib..but, mak tak marah kat aku. Apa lagi nak pukul aku. kena perli adalah dengan kakak-kakak aku.

Walaupun Mak was not demonstrative of her affections, aku tahu dia
amat menyayangi aku. Mungkin sebab dia sudah masak dengan perangai
aku ni, dia tidak mudah melatah dan sentiasa cool.
Mungkin aku kena mewarisi sikap ini dari dia di dalam menghadapi kerenah anak-anak..hehe
Disebabkan akuni macam tomboy .. maka seharusnya lah aku tidak suka perkara-perkara
yang berkaitan dengan kewanitaan ,..seperti memasak, menjahit, mekap,fesyen
dan sewaktu dengannya. Mak relax jer. Tak de nak berleter kat aku suruh
masuk dapur or pakai pakaian yang feminine. Tapi kakak aku yang selalu lebih, suka paksa aku
duduk dapur, cuci pinggan belajar masak nasi. Aku buat tapi terpaksa.
Namun aku mula belajar memasak bila aku di Form One .. itu pun masak
jemput-jemput (cekodok to some of us). Aku bukan belajar dengan Mak,
tetapi dari rakan Girl Guides aku. Semasa camping, aku "heran"kawan-kawan
sebaya aku terrer memasak .. hatta hanya memasak sardin, lempeng dan jemput-jemput.
Bila aku perhatikan mereka dan di rumah, aku cuba buat sendiri .
Mak hanya bertanya : Ko belajar masak ni kat mana?
Aku dengan bangganya menjawap " kat camping laa. Tulah Mak tak bagi
orang pergi camping, kita belajar macam-macam kat situ "
Mak was a housewife. Dia pandai memasak dan menjahit .

Memasak tu, boleh lah setakat nak bagi orang makan.Mak tidak pernah
menyuruh aku masuk dapur .. if she needs help, dia akan tanya aku dulu
kau tengah buat apa tu ?" which, all of the time I was reading. "
I would reply, and that was the end of it. Mak tidak akan menganggu aku bila aku membaca.
Di waktu aku kecil, tak ada washing machine, or blandder untuk menghancurkan cili, semua kena buat
sendiri, aku selalu perhatikan mak mencuci kain berbesen-besen sampai basah baju mak. Kadang bila tak ada air
mak terpaksa mengangkut air di pili depan kampung aku, berulang-alik mak angkat air nak cuci pakaian kami.
Cili pulak terpaksa digiling menggunakan batu giling, masa aku standard five aku selalu perhatikan mak giling cili.

I stayed home until Form Five before I left to continue my
studies and subsequently working. Bila bapak hantar aku ke bas stand untuk ke
KL to start my job, he said, " Bila kau ada masa cuti, balik jengok Mak.
Kalau ada duit lebih, bagi kat Mak sikit. Aku ni tak apa, tapi Mak tu, kau
telefon-telefon lah dia "When I had my first gaji ? aku bawak Mak shopping. Serupalah macam
iklan BCB tu. " Ambik, ambik SEMUA". Mak tersenyum aje.
In subsequent years, aku akan membelikan Mak baju, tudung, kain dan
barang-barang yang dia suka. Since aku selalu gi Kerteh travelling in my job that time,
aku sentiasa akan belikan souvenirs for her from wherever I went. Aku tahu
Mak bangga dengan pemberian aku sebab aku pernah dengar Makcik-Makcik kat
kampung during kenduri admiring her kain, her tudung , and she proudly
announced, " ni min belikan ".

But, umur Mak tak lama.
A few month selepas Mak balik dari Mekah, Mak was diagnosed with cancer.
Malignant melanoma. Mak was brought to KL for treatment because the
type cancer was rare in Malaysia. She was hospitalised in UH .
Four months after Mak was first diagnosed, we were summoned by the doctor.
The prognosis was not good. The cancer has spread to the lungs.
How long does she has, doctor ? "
Four months." the young doctor said quiet and me were stumped. Mak were out in the ward,
we were in one of the rooms.

DIE ????? I shouted to the doctor..doctor tuhan ke nak tentukan Mak saya mati bila.?
Masa tu maybe aku tak boleh terima berita yang hidup Mak tak lama, i was very sad.
Bila kami keluar dari bilik doctor,dad went to talk with my brother while I went to see Mak.
How, just HOW do you tell your mother that her days are numbered? I was not the touchy, feely type.
I never hugged my mother. Salam and kiss her hands yes, but never hugged.
But, at that moment ? I really, really wanted to hug her tight and tell her how much I loved her.
But, I didn't. Mak would suspect something amiss if I do that.

"Bila aku boleh keluar dari sini ? " Mak tanya aku. She missed home.
" Nanti doctor bagitahu "
I never told her of what the doctor said. I never knew if ayah ever did, because we never talked about death. Neither did she.

Four month now can you tell your mother how much you love her. How can you SHOW
her what she meant to you in FOUR months. How can you make her happy in the
last four months of her life? Tak sampai four months the next day she's albeit weaker and by then,
bed ridden.
Di sinilah aku nampak betapa mulianya seorang ibu .
The day came..
Mak was having trouble breathing masa aku balik rumah untuk mandi, ayah kata Mak nazak.Aku tengok nafas Mak shallow ? but she was
still conscious. Malam tu masa aku jaga mak seorang ..aku suruh mak ikut aku mengucap
" Mak, ikut owang yea. Ucap syahadah " Mak ikut.
Aku peluk Mak masa dia tak sedar tu dan cakap dalam hati " Mak, ampunkan dosa min dan halalkan makan minum min Mak"
Mak menghembuskan nafasnya yang terakhir pada usia 59 tahun masa tu aku tak ada didepan mata dia. Dia masih ada masa aku tunggu dia kat hospital malam tu. Dia pergi
masa aku balik rumah mandi, and kakak aku take turn jaga mak.

I was too young to understand why did God create us and take our love one away.
Mungkin zaman aku berbeza dengan zaman Mak ? tetapi foundationnya tetap sama.
Kasih sayang. Keikhlasan. Tanggungjawap.
Tiga factor yang pada aku amat penting di dalam peranan seorang ibu.
Kasih sayang yang tidak berbelah bagi (unconditional love), keikhlasan hati
sebagai ibu terhadap anak-anak dan tanggungjawap yang diberikan Tuhan
kepada amanahnya.
To me these three basic foundation aku cuba terapkan sebaik mungkin
sambil gunakan ilmu keibubapaan yang aku pelajari dan perhatikan bersesuaian
dengan zaman dan keadaan.
I am not a perfect person, what more a perfect parent. I enjoyed my childhood and would love one day my children to have the happiness that I once had.
But, God has His plans for me. All the dugaan that He
gave has made me stronger and more appreciative of what I STILL have.

"The Reason"

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

~sigh...i miss u mak and i wish ur here with me now.

Leave a Comment

{ Last Page } { Page 53 of 54 } { Next Page }