My best friend left me in siLence

I fell almost as though all my blog are depressing. partly probably cause i only appear on this website when im extremely bored..and sad.

It was enough to lose my world to silence....when I close my eyes at night , the darkness takes me away to emptiness.

I'm tired of improving myself to fit into a world that doesn't understand nor accept me.

I've been feeling quite down recently. have been receiving bad news from ppl i care abt. just dunno wat is going on with me now. everything seems to be falling apart. wish i cud be somewhere else. wish i cud turn back the time and do something else. but all i can do is to hope that things will turn out for the better soon. i feel so hurt, i noe u really didnt say it on pourpose...what else can I say? if that will piss me then FINE!! , blame it all on me.. i know its gonna hurt like shit, im so over the feeling sorry for myself and feeling hurt cuz of you... i need to be happy... people are always gonna dissapoint me and stuff, i just need to learn to move on... it still hurts though.
had a lot of things to crap this year...but now forgotten it...must be the symptoms of my sadness ..anywayss..enuf for today ...blehhh.....throat pain and got tis headache
am feeling extremely confused right.. i realised i do not noe wat my life is about. life used to have a meaning. have a reason. but now its just a white sheet of paper. on the upper side, at least saying that is better than saying life's like a deep black hole. its a sign that i can still be helped?? ...dunno. life was meant to be meaningful, where i wud devote myself to succeed so that i cud help others, how it wud be happy ?. recently, things just fell apart. nothing seemed to matter anymore. everything i've ever dreamt of is a lie. no one had the same dream as i did. their dreams totally destroyed mine. everyone so important in my life regarded them selves important in their lives too. so where do i stand? all just selfishly want their own way. where does that leave me? is life just a game ppl play? all these makes me wonder if i do belong to where i belong.. stumbled upon this when i am sad and alone...I give and I give and I give, and this is what I get for it.?



to my dearie frenz
never say u love me

if u don't really care
never talk of feelings
if they aren't really there
never hold my hand
if u mean to break my heart
never say forever
if u ever plan to part
never lock up my heart
if u don't have key

I thought she is my best friend that god sent to me? no she's not..and im still waiting