SiLence Love

Lately i’ve been drained. No emotions just nothing.
I feel nothing..no sadness at all.
Which should be a good thing but i think its the worse kind of pain of all.
I want to feel my heartbreak i want to let it out.
Get it over with…i have a lot to say.No one to say it to. But I just wanna to say something to my lovely buddy my awesome husband..opsss is this a love letter or what? takpe lahh (never mind - wotever!)

DeaR Mr husband..
Do you ever known the way I love you?
The way that I think about you all the time,
The way that I can’t get you out of my mind,
The way that I swear I have loved no one more guy,
The way that I see how great you have made me,
The way that I know you are the one,
The way that I want you here with me,
The way that I need you so that I can survive,
The way that I have to make you smile,
The way that I would die if you left me (Insyallah),
The way that I cry if you are hurt,
The way that I smile just hearing you breathe,
The way that I frown when you are unhappy,
The way that I put you before anyone else,
The way that I hope you know how I feel,
The way that I love the things you say even when you have nothing to say,
The way that I hate when people mess with you,
The way that I pray I will be with you forever in Jannah,
The way that I wish that you were here with me,
The way that I wait for you no matter what,
The way that I feel when you are not around,
The way that I miss you even when you are right there,

All of this shows me how strong I feel, and how much I need you.
Thank you Allah for this love.

and lastly to my dear bestfrenz,
&it doesn’t even matter. Cuz nothing even matters.Because its over. So whats next for me…?

I need you. But importantly I need you to need me..err u got what i mean?
After all I need Allah more then I need anything now.

Young in heart

..got my hair cut yesterday.. it was long over due..
had to delay it due to the itch that i had previously..
well due to the itch there is this nasty scar (previously)
on my neck that looks like a hickkie (love bite..what ever u call it lah..)..

(shoot some photo of Nora and gave it to the amoi)
hehe.. so nak kata rambut anuar zain ke atau nak kata Nora? hahaha..

well i decided to trim it abit since it really went off the shoulder length..

.. pretty happy with my hair.. i think i prefer my hair to be short..
not that i really want to look younger ke apa, but that look gives me the
fresh and energetic looks hehehehe.. my lovely hubby said that..not me!
well .. wutever people say.. i feeL young indeed.

My best friend left me in siLence

I fell almost as though all my blog are depressing. partly probably cause i only appear on this website when im extremely bored..and sad.

It was enough to lose my world to silence....when I close my eyes at night , the darkness takes me away to emptiness.

I'm tired of improving myself to fit into a world that doesn't understand nor accept me.

I've been feeling quite down recently. have been receiving bad news from ppl i care abt. just dunno wat is going on with me now. everything seems to be falling apart. wish i cud be somewhere else. wish i cud turn back the time and do something else. but all i can do is to hope that things will turn out for the better soon. i feel so hurt, i noe u really didnt say it on pourpose...what else can I say? if that will piss me then FINE!! , blame it all on me.. i know its gonna hurt like shit, im so over the feeling sorry for myself and feeling hurt cuz of you... i need to be happy... people are always gonna dissapoint me and stuff, i just need to learn to move on... it still hurts though.
had a lot of things to crap this year...but now forgotten it...must be the symptoms of my sadness ..anywayss..enuf for today ...blehhh.....throat pain and got tis headache
am feeling extremely confused right.. i realised i do not noe wat my life is about. life used to have a meaning. have a reason. but now its just a white sheet of paper. on the upper side, at least saying that is better than saying life's like a deep black hole. its a sign that i can still be helped?? ...dunno. life was meant to be meaningful, where i wud devote myself to succeed so that i cud help others, how it wud be happy ?. recently, things just fell apart. nothing seemed to matter anymore. everything i've ever dreamt of is a lie. no one had the same dream as i did. their dreams totally destroyed mine. everyone so important in my life regarded them selves important in their lives too. so where do i stand? all just selfishly want their own way. where does that leave me? is life just a game ppl play? all these makes me wonder if i do belong to where i belong.. stumbled upon this when i am sad and alone...I give and I give and I give, and this is what I get for it.?



to my dearie frenz
never say u love me

if u don't really care
never talk of feelings
if they aren't really there
never hold my hand
if u mean to break my heart
never say forever
if u ever plan to part
never lock up my heart
if u don't have key

I thought she is my best friend that god sent to me? no she's not..and im still waiting